We’ve been looking at houses, did I tell you that? Well, we have. I’m in charge of finding listings, mostly because I’m the one with time to spend online looking at listings. Also, since I grew up here, I know all the places we DON’T want to live. Anytime I look at a listing, the first thing I do is look at a map of the address, to make sure it’s somewhere we’d even consider. SO. It should have been a tip off when this particular listing didn’t include the address.
I scheduled a showing anyway, because we were already seeing another house that night so I thought we might as well. It was definitely in the ghetto. We knew it wasn’t not going to work as soon as we got there, but we went in and looked around, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Then I noticed a door in the kitchen that was bolt locked. I unlocked it, wondering if it went outside. Nope, it’s a stairwell. Okay, weird, why look the basement door? I flipped the light switch and nothing happened. Because there was no bulb in the socket. So it was really dark, but I wanted to see what was down there, so I started down the stairs trying to use my phone as a light. I still couldn’t see anything, and the whole time I kept thinking, “this is where the girl in the movie DIES.” The audience is always wondering why anyone walks down into the pitch black basement by themselves. CURIOSITY. I got to the bottom of the stairs and I could barely see a lightbulb with a pull string in the middle of the room so I turned that on. Let me tell you, reaching through the dark in an unknown basement to pull a string on a bare lightbulb? Is creepy. And turning the light on? Did NOT make things less creepy. The ceiling was maybe 5’6″ high, one of the concrete walls was wallpapered and the whole thing had obviously been flooded at some point. There was a whole separate room that the light didn’t shine into but I was decidedly NOT curious enough to try to see what was in there. Because I was pretty sure it would be BODIES. Or, you know, psycho killer’s secret hideout. Or both. And that’s when I went upstairs.
Thankfully my life is not a horror movie, because we all know the “girl walks alone into the dark unfinished basement of an old house” scenario never ends well.
No more listings without addresses.