Immediately after Daniel was born they placed him on my chest, and I felt thrilled. Baby number 3 was here, and it had been SO much easier than getting our other babies here. Then he opened his eyes, just for a second, and worry flickered through me. I hoped that I was wrong, that it was the way he only half opened them, or that I was seeing something that wasn’t really there. After all, nobody else seemed concerned and with his eyes closed he looked just like Will did as a newborn.
But when everyone else had gone and Brian and I were alone with one of the nurses, she asked us if Daniel looked like our other kids. Brian assured her that he did, which is true. But I knew then what she was going to tell us, and I was right. She said that Daniel had some characteristics that indicated Down Syndrome. To say that I felt overwhelmed when she told us this is an understatement. She assured us that the pediatrician would check him out and that chromosome testing would be done to confirm, but I knew. I knew the diagnosis was right.
I cried then. I cried because I was scared. I still am scared. I feel unprepared for life with a child with Down Syndrome. I feel overwhelmed with the responsibility of being a mother to this sweet boy. I feel overwhelmed in a way I never felt with Kalena or Will. What I don’t feel is disappointed. I feel incredibly blessed to have Daniel, and I feel certain that he is meant for our family.
I hope this overwhelmed feeling will fade soon. For now I’ll just enjoy the moments where I feel so much love for him that my heart might burst. Lucky for me those moments come often.