If you know me at all you know I’m not a neat person. (If you know me well you’re probably snort-laughing and thinking, “THAT’S an understatement.”) So keeping our house clean is something that happens…pretty much never. It’s not that I LIKE the mess. Or that I don’t SEE the mess. I just can’t get it together enough to keep things clean. I wish I had my mom’s super-power of not sitting down until everything is done. (So, never.) ALAS, I do not. The couch calls to me. Anyway. I’ve tried various methods to do better with the upkeep, but so far nothing has worked. Or really helped even. But despite my MANY failures, I thought the other day that maybe I should get on pinterest and find a cleaning schedule that I could follow.

Y’all. What I found is INSANE. I’ve come to the conclusion that none of these people have children. Here’s some of the stuff I came across.

Wiping down all your baseboards as a weekly thing. (Do people DO that?!)

A schedule that included only 2 loads of laundry a week. We generate like 2 loads of laundry A DAY.

Basically every schedule suggests starting the dishwasher after dinner and unloading it in the morning. We run the dishwasher twice a day. AT LEAST. And you know what happens if I don’t? We have no clean dishes to eat off of.

Sweeping the kitchen floor as a weekly chore. We have 2 kids in high chairs. Sweeping in the kitchen is, AGAIN, something that gets done multiple times a day. (And okay, that isn’t the WHOLE kitchen, but STILL. If I only swept once a week there would be literal piles of food on the floor.)

One listed vacuum as a daily chore but then followed that with “as needed” in parentheses. Listen schedule writer. If I were on top of doing stuff “as needed” I WOULDN’T NEED A SCHEDULE.

Washing walls as a weekly chore. I…don’t understand. If something gets on a wall I wipe it off. Are other people wiping down entire random walls? Seems like you’d spend a LOT of time doing that.

One schedule included taking out the garbage “if it’s full.” I don’t need to be reminded of that. If it’s full I take it out. You might as well write “change toilet paper if the roll is empty.” I may be the ONLY person in the house who DOES, but I do.

Sometime it’s the amount of time that makes the schedule seem crazy. For instance: a “15-20 minutes of cleaning a day” includes “vacuum house” as an item. I…how big is your house? It takes me 15 minutes to vacuum our basement. Which is one of FOUR levels. (And our house is not huge!) Also, that doesn’t include time to pick up all the crap off the floor so I CAN ACTUALLY VACUUM.

Anyway. All this to say: cleaning schedules are crap and my house is probably always going to be a mess.


8 thoughts on “Unclean

  1. Wiping down your baseboards every week? HAHAAHAHAHAA. This, like the”vacuum house in 20 min” thing makes me wonder what size the schedule writer’s house is, because I would estimate I have 1000 linear feet of very complicated, scroll-y baseboards. Also, sweep once a week? I have to sweep many times a day; sometimes more than once per meal!

  2. I think your biggest failure here is getting on Pinterest to looking for a cleaning schedule! What the hell were you thinking??? I would recommend working on accepting that things are not clean. More practically, I heard a recommendation to start one load of laundry every morning. I might try this.

  3. I am much the same. Did not inherit mom’s intense love of a clean space and dedicated to making it so. I’m more generally in favor of a clean space and will try to get it so, unless I feel tired of have a book calling my name. Meanwhile, my cleaning routine consists of getting one spot 100% done, then hanging out in that space so I can ignore the rest.

  4. I just see higher value in doing other things with my time than cleaning. I also went looking on pinterest and was agog at the recommended schedules. Who are these people?!?!

    Things that have helped me: 1) Clean for 10 min a day – just pick something. 2) Set a routine for critical things (dishes, groceries, laundry, floors, bathrooms), 3) Expect the kids to have more chores, 4) Continue valuing my time and being okay with a messier house.

    General schedule in our house:
    Sunday: I meal plan and grocery shop, plus work on some major organization task for an hour (it’s my husband’s office this month). My husband does the laundry. The kids help with laundry and grocery shopping. The kids also have to clean out their ‘mudroom’ cubby.

    Monday-Friday: The kids unload the dishwasher and pick up all common areas every weekday. They alternate the chore between the two of them. My husband and I alternate dishes/wipe counter depending on whose job it is for drop off. If you drop off, you do dishes and if you pick up you make dinner. My 10-min chores include cleaning off a surface, or going through a stack of papers, watering plants, dusting, etc.

    Saturday: Yardwork for everyone – the kids do pet waste clean-up, my husband does the lawn, and I do the flowerbeds. I wipe down the master bath and my husband cleans the shower/tub. I do a full kitchen cleaning and sweep floors. My husband mops and vacuums. The kids each have a bathroom to clean – the common bathroom and their bathroom. They also have to clean their bedrooms ( we honestly just tell them to pick up these four things: 1. trash, 2. clothes, 3. toys, 4. books.)

    My house is still messy, even with all of that. We are messy people who choose to be busy doing anything but cleaning. That’s is perfectly fine by me.

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